Are Humans Really Monogamous?

I have been questioning the monogamy of human being for so long. Not that I’m a victim of a polygamous family or anything, but there are just so many things around me that often leads to that one question:
“Are humans monogamous creatures after all?”

I once took the Animal Behavior class back in university. It’s interesting that knowing animal behavior can actually give better knowledge and understanding about our OWN behavior in everyday life. One of my favorite subjects – obviously – is the mating system.

Apparently male species get more advantages by doing a polygynous mating system, while females get more advantages by practicing polyandry. The thing with these creatures is, they do it all for the sake of wider genetic inheritance or better parental care. The males will have benefits when inseminating multiple females where their genetic codes are more widely inherited, while females will have better care for the children since there is more than 1 male protecting her and her children.

Now what happens in humans is quite different since we are one of those rare creatures who have sex just to gain pleasure. We don’t really think about gene flows or child nursing that much when we decide to have multiple partners or when we decide to cheat. It’s all about pleasure, fun, satisfaction. Having more than one partner will certainly keep us happy, flexible, and unattached wouldn’t it? That way we’ll always be assured that somebody is there for us. If not one, then there’s the other(s).

One of my favorite Indonesian authors, Dewi Lestari, once wrote on her book, Filosofi Kopi.

Jika kau ingin satu, maka jangan ambil dua. Karena satu menggenapkan, tapi dua melenyapkan.

The translation would be something like:

If you want one, then don’t take two. Because one completes, while two vanishes.

I had always been able to relate to those words. But never as much as now. And now I have gained a new belief about humans who decide to be “faithful” to many partners. Those who feel superior thinking they can conquer more than one while others may have none. Those people, they need to realize that having two doesn’t make them own more. Keeping two is rather a way of undervaluing themselves, hurting others, and leaving themselves with absolute emptiness. Absolutely nothing. And there’s not even genetic benefits nor better child nurturing in this case.

So when you decide to be a so-called alpha male, or wanna be adored as a queen bee, make sure that you’re strong enough to make it on your own. Cos in the end, owning two will do nothing but vanishes everything.

5 thoughts on “Are Humans Really Monogamous?

  1. ok. here’s my opinion. i don’t think those people really think about genes, and other technical stuffs. some people might even say such things are allowed in moslem religion. bullshit. y’know what? plain pleasure. it’s what it’s all about. be it technically, or emotionally, humans, naturally ARE NOT monogamous (once again, this is merely my opinion). but somehow, in most “happy marriages” people can suppress their desire for having more than 1 spouse at the same time, or what you call by practicing polygamy. although some people might say that polygamy is allowed in moslem religion. i DO believe i read the Holy Quran and found in the An-Nisaa Surah, that God allows a Moslem to marry, one, two, three or four women as long as he can do justice between them. If the man can’t do justicem it was mentioned : “… then marry only once”.

    a bit of correction, polygamy comes from 2 greek words which means “many” and “union”. thus the practice of having multiple wives for male is called polygyny.

  2. huhuhu ternyata dirimu keukeuh juga yah menggunkana bahasa internasional ini sebagai bahasa primer di blog ini.
    tapi sayang sekali saya tetap masih keukeuh berbahasa indonesia menutupi ketidak mampuan saya berbahasa inggris. hehehe

    tapi saya sedikit banyak setuju dengan postingan ini beberapa ayat suci yang telah dijadikan sebagai dasar bagi para kaum pria muslim untuk memperbanyak istri mereka ternyata sering kali adalah merupakan alasan yang di cari-cari untuk men-sahkan mereka dalam menghancurkan keluarga dan juga anak istrinya,
    mudah2an nanti saya tak tergolong diantaranya.

    tapi ternyata ada juga loh para istri-ostri tersebut yang mengaku bahagia dengan keputusan mereka membiarkan dirinya untuk dimadu atau menjadi madu 🙂
    mungkin memang pada akhirnya semua tergantung pada sipelakunya. dibutuhkan banyak2 pertimbangan dan juga pengorbanan dari semua pihak yang terlibat.

  3. Your writing makes me think, thank you! For me, to love is about two-become-one. When there’s a third party, you’ll end up in a triangle. Your love is the slope, and the right angle are your two lovers [The Pythagoras theory to measure the length of the slope of a triangle, the length of the right angles are 1 (1 square + 1 square = 1 + 1 = 2): the length of the slope is the square root of 2. How much is the square root of 2?]. Your loveis irrational, because we can never define the square root of 2. Cheers! Teira (

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