reality biting me

It’s been forever since the last time I wrote a real daily life posting here. Lately whenever I feel the urge to trash (it’s “nyampah” in Bahasa, can’t find the suitable word in English) I start trashing here, in my beloved blog. I’ve got facebook, twitter, and all those online “nyampah” facilities, but I still find this blog the most convenient place to spare my endless trashy thoughts. So pardon me, readers, if lately the postings tend to be so short and err.. spontaneous?

I have been drained with my life schedule, and it’s not like I didn’t predict this before. I was really enjoying it until the human side of me started to scream for mercy. I need some rest! Today’s presentation really drained the energy inside of me. I can’t even pinpoint which aspect of it is the main reason I feel so tired and inadequate afterwards. It just felt downright insane.

Packed in a very small room (who on Earth suggested we present there anyway?!), with people almost twice my age (well, +10 years mostly), presenting while I am being stared at without any proper distance from the audience. I couldn’t breathe! And it was nothing like talking in front of a bunch of teenagers I used to do back then. First 3 minutes, I totally lost it. Then I did what I do best: I blabbed.

I think I really need to learn to stick on what is written on the slides instead of jumping from one thought onto another inside my head. I never really read slides while presenting. I mean, the audience needs explanation, they don’t want to watch me read! But that method only works when the topic is mastered, otherwise, TODAY will happen. Shite. I so must redeem myself at the next presentation…

So today the “double degree” program has falter for the very first time. The presentation ended at 3.15 pm, and I knew it was impossible to catch my night class. My right brain class hehe.. So I had a quality time at home, realizing that this is exactly what I needed right now. 2 precious hours just drinking milk, munching mayo + cocktail fruits while spilling my crappy feelings to my mom.. perfect. Conclusion of discussion: My whinings won’t make them any younger or any more fashionable and or any more attractive. Just suck it up and live with it. And find a larger classroom next time!

Jakarta traffic has gone crazier and crazier by the day. It’s as if whatever of the many transportation options I choose, I’d still have to go through the same route, and it’s so heavily packed regardless of what time we pass there. I heard that the number of distressed people living in Jakarta has increased due to the traffic jam. They (who are they anyway?) say by the time 2014 arrives, there won’t be any space left on the roads for the vehicles in Jakarta to move. FANTASTIC.

Call me shallow, call me superficial. But one thing that has been my biggest concern while doing these contradictory studies is, the clothes I wear. At day, I must look “professional”, grown-up, serious, reliable, convincing, and educated. One small overdressing mistake, people would notice. “Why are you wearing this? What is that thing you’re wearing?” And all of a sudden it’s (one way or another) concluded that you’re not that smart or dependable after all. I mean young girl, just look at how dressed up you are!

But during the class where scissors, paints, sketches, and drawings are involved, my simplest shirt will get comments such as, “Wow, you look so formal today!”

Once I decided to change while in the parking lot. I was tired and didn’t really pay attention to the surroundings. When I hopped down and locked the car, this creepy dude was staring at me, and didn’t look away when I stared back. It was then that I realized how transparent the windows have become under those damn roof. Great.. A charity for those who need it the most.

And then there is the test. No I’m not talking about paper-pencil test (not for now at least). I am experiencing a major moral test at the moment, and it’s not even cute or funny or whatever *sigh* Suddenly I feel like talking to my “therapists”..

That’s all for now..

Play safe people! =D