Are Humans Really Monogamous?

I have been questioning the monogamy of human being for so long. Not that I’m a victim of a polygamous family or anything, but there are just so many things around me that often leads to that one question:
“Are humans monogamous creatures after all?”

I once took the Animal Behavior class back in university. It’s interesting that knowing animal behavior can actually give better knowledge and understanding about our OWN behavior in everyday life. One of my favorite subjects – obviously - is the mating system.

Apparently male species get more advantages by doing a polygamous mating system, while females get more advantages by practicing polyandry. The thing with these creatures is, they do it all for the sake of wider genetic inheritance or better parental care. The males will have benefits when inseminating multiple females where their genetic codes are more widely inherited, while females will have better care for the children since there is more than 1 male protecting her and her children.

Now what happens in humans is quite different since we are one of those rare creatures who have sex just to gain pleasure. We don’t really think about gene flows or child nursing that much when we decide to have multiple partners or when we decide to cheat. It’s all about pleasure, fun, satisfaction. Having more than one partner will certainly keep us happy, flexible, and unattached wouldn’t it? That way we’ll always be assured that somebody is there for us. If not one, then there’s the other(s).

One of my favorite Indonesian authors, Dewi Lestari, once wrote on her book, Filosofi Kopi.

Jika kau ingin satu, maka jangan ambil dua. Karena satu menggenapkan, tapi dua melenyapkan.

The translation would be something like:

If you want one, then don’t take two. Cos one completes, while two vanishes.

I had always been able to relate to those words. But never as much as now. And now I have gained a new belief about humans who decide to be “faithful” to many partners. Those who feel superior thinking they can conquer more than one while others may have none. Those people, they need to realize that having two doesn’t make them own more. Keeping two is rather a way of undervaluing themselves, hurting others, and leaving themselves with absolute emptiness. Absolutely nothing. And there’s not even genetic benefits nor better child nurturing in this case.

So when you decide to be a so-called alpha male, or wanna be adored as a queen bee, make sure that you’re strong enough to make it on your own. Cos in the end, owning two will do nothing but vanishes everything.

The Witch of Portobello, by Paulo Coelho

Despite the fact that I got quite terrified reading some parts of it alone, the book is just perfectly written - yet again - by the master of writing, Paulo Coelho. Being an open-minded Muslim (Amen :P), I didn’t see this book as anything misleading or brain washing. The message was simply wider than just those religious point of views.

Compared to the world wide hit, The Alchemist, I find this book a lot more universal and a bit less personal. Another meaningful book full of enlightening answers to philosophical life questions, completed with discussions of one my most recent obsessions, the Law of Attraction (also what the book Quantum Ikhlas is all about).

When we’re interested in something, everything around us appears to refer to it (the mystics call these phenomena “signs”, the sceptics “coincidence”, and psychologist “concentrated focus”..

**

You are what you believe yourself to be. ..Don’t be like those people who believe in “positive thinking” and tell themselves that they’re loved and strong and capable. You don’t need to do that, because you know it already. And when you doubt it - which happens, I think, quite often at this stage of evolution - do as I suggested. Instead of trying to prove that you’re better than you think, just laugh. Laugh at your worries and insecurities. View your anxieties with humour. It will be difficult at first, but you’ll gradually get used to it.

**

After all, what is happiness?
Love, they tell me. But love doesn’t bring and never has brought happiness. On the contrary, it’s a constant state of anxiety, a battlefield, it’s sleepless nights, asking ourselves all the time if we’re doing the right thing. Real love is composed of ecstasy and agony..
I spent a lot of my life looking for happiness; now what I want is joy. Joy is like sex - it begins and ends. I want pleasure. I want to be contended, but happiness? I no longer fall into that trap.

the end.

How could something end, when it never even started?

So I thought I was losing something. I thought I was broken and torn apart. I thought something dramatic has yet happened again to me.

But then I looked around. To everything that surrounds.

Have I really lost something? Was there really something that I had that is now gone?

Why does it seem just the same on the surface? Was it something inside my head? My heart? Was it something unreal, something I had only decided to believe in?

That something is now leaving me gently, like a mother letting go of her child only after knowing that they’re ready to. Without any pushing, punishing, hating, regretting, or even hurting.

That something knows that I was once too vulnerable to see. But now I think I am glad that it had ended. Even though it seems like nothing have ever started at the first place.

You just gotta let it go

I need some sleep.
I can’t go on like this.
I try counting sheep,
But there’s one I always miss.

Everyone says I’m getting down too low
Everyone says: “You just gotta let it go”
“You just gotta let it go”
I just gotta let it go

I need some sleep
time to put the old horse down
I’m in too deep
and the wheels keep spinning round

Everyone says I’m getting down too low
Everyone says: “You just gotta let it go”
“You just gotta let it go”
I just gotta let it go

You just gotta let it go
You just gotta let it go
You just gotta let it go

Eels - I Need Some Sleep

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This song really describes my condition at the moment. Not the “i need some sleep” part, cos obviously I’ve been getting excessive sleeping lately. It’s the “letting go” part. I need to start letting go, and try to accept the truth that is happening.

But sometimes I wonder, how do we know that it is time to let go? How do we know when to keep on hoping and believing, putting all our heart into something, believing that somehow the Universe will attract it to us, and we will get what we’ve been wanting after all?

How could we be certain that it’s time to quit believing, stop hoping, and give up our faith when all that we are certain of is.. uncertainty?